A Farewell to Customer Service

So the thing about customer service is that it's a universal. I can talk about my job with any person who has ever worked customer service and we will always have something to talk about because we will have all the same customers. Not necessarily the same people, but since we all know that customers aren't people the archetypes will be the same.

Everyone who ever works with customers will have the psycho who can't understand why you won't violate state or federal law to get what they want. They'll have the person who wants you to bend space and time to get them something that you physically have no control over. The people who yell at you over company policies like you have some control over them. The people who expect you to be psychic about their special things (allergies, the fact they don't want the handles of their soda cases punched in). The people who hand you copies of Watchtower magazine and give you Chick Tracts. These are universal truths.

I had a customer today who I have never had before in my years of working a register. This one was a special breed all her own.

I first encounter Dingbat because it's 15 minutes to close and she is standing in the juice aisle bent over in half not moving. I ask her if she maybe needs help because I'm kind of worried she's not entirely okay. She tells me she's fine, she's just reading the juices to see which one is on her WIC. I am a little perturbed but tell her that the Juicey Juice is all okay.
Finally, a couple minutes after I make the finally "we're closed!" announcement, she gets to the register. I look through her vouchers and realize she has a pound of cheese on the voucher she didn't get. Since I am a good person, I ask her if she wanted the cheese. She's starting to freak me out, because she's mumbling to herself a lot but she goes off to get her cheese. She walked down an aisle and bumped in to the meat case and just stopped and started staring at it. The manager went and got her and told her where the cheese was and she finally came up and I got everything rung up and put through. This took 15 minutes. Then she stood there for another 5 minutes asking us why we didn't

A Family Snapshot

I'm moving to Texas. I don't want to say where exactly, but I'll be outside a large city. This is a particularly horrifying realization for me because I've lived in the same 90 mile radius my entire life. Plus, I've never been to Texas and hate hot weather. This could quite possibly be a brand new bit of crazy in my life. We'll see.

To celebrate my running away to hell, I went to visit my father and brother and step-family a few days ago. The following exchange took place.

Me: I got a Debit Card ledger with my new bank account!
Brother: $5 says you'll never use it.
Me: $5 says you're a douche. Ooooh I win!
Dad starts laughing uncontrollably.
Step-Bro: What?
I recount the conversation, Dad starts laughing uncontrollably again.

Suddenly, my sense of humor suddenly explains itself.

I also set up a Twitter account just in case you want to know what I'm doing all the time every day. And you know you do.